Stoicism vs Self-Help
How self-help and Stoicism remain incompatible
We were born to work together like feet, hands and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are unnatural. — Marcus Aurelius
The resurgence of Stoicism has been a welcome one to many offering a true alternative to many of the self-help manuals that have been presented in recent years. It is natural to seek guidance in what is without a doubt one of the easiest times to merely coast by and never truly embrace one’s purpose.
The earlier reliance upon religion to provide such guidance has faded in modern times as secularism continues to surge throughout the developed world. In to the void has emerged a multitude of options that can provide a degree of comfort and direction for those who struggle with such monumental questions. Yet there remains a vast gulf between the tenets of Stoicism and those of self-help, which makes both options fundamentally incompatible.
Since stumbling upon the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius at a particularly difficult point in my teenage years, I have attempted to share the potentially life-changing teachings of such great men and women with as many people as possible. This has come with varying degrees of success and also with a fair share of skepticism on their part. Many will immediately point out some self-help author that they have turned to in the past and make some inexplicable claims, as to their similarity.
This of course is understandable, as the majority of the concepts and ideas which these more contemporary authors now perpetuate have been derived from those who come before. They can also provide a more accessible approach to quite a few of these theories, as I will be the first person to allow that Epictetus and other ancient writers of his ilk are not the easiest to understand on the first reading. The Enchiridion in particular has been quite a hard sell for friends of mine, the sheer amount of hidden meaning and work involved in unearthing such is extremely daunting to the uninitiated.
Yet there are several issues, with the modern retellings of such tried and tested wisdom, namely the impact of commercialism and the intent behind producing such works.
We now live in the golden age of capitalism, whether we realize it or not, the media we consume is impacted exponentially by the current climate we live in. Therefore for many of these self-help gurus to be successful in this arena, they will have to engage with the trends that are most popular and will resonate most with the reader.
This has led to a continued trend of focusing entirely on self-development, at the expense of the true reason why we engage in such self-improvement. In order to have a greater impact on those around us and in becoming the best versions of ourselves we can make others better through such a process.
This is an aspect of Stoicism that has been mentioned in some form or another in the majority of Stoic texts. We live for each other and when one person we care for struggles we all do. We are all a part of a greater whole and the actions we take, the decisions we make, and the inaction we engage in have such a monumental impact to the extent that we can never truly calculate it.
By way of comparison, the majority of self-help pieces and the rise of a so-called life-hack genre have missed the point of such wisdom when altering it for their own usage. Focusing more so on the end goal of success of some form whether it be commercially, in one’s relationships, or even in the attainment of happiness. Whether they realize it or not, however, this has fundamentally changed what the original writers intended to convey.
The likes of Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus used the principles of Stoicism to contribute to a greater whole of which they deemed themselves fortunate to be a part. The self-development each of them engaged in and the trials and tribulations they were forced to overcome, allowed them to make the world they inhabited a better place while also aiding those they came in contact with.
Marcus despite his misgivings as to the hand fate dealt him, threw himself into the role of Emperor of the Roman Empire, not because such a success was an end goal of his but rather so he could protect and take care of the citizens of his Empire. For this, he was granted the moniker of the last of the Good Emperors, one which he fully deserved.
In his absence, those very citizens were to suffer from individuals who placed their own desires ahead of those for whom they should have been responsible for. Marcus did not do this for his self-indulgence, rather he did so because he knew it was the right thing to do given his position to enact positive change, and the improvements of character he enjoyed as a result were not the end goal of it all.
Epictetus likewise refused to allow the physical shackles he bore to prevent him from leaving a mark on others. Becoming a teacher and writer, who impacted people as far distanced from himself in time as Nelson Mandela. Who derived strength and resilience during his own captivity, from the refusal of the enslaved philosopher to bow to the weight of his circumstances. Again Epictetus rose above his circumstances using the teachings of the Stoa, not only for himself but also for those for whom he could have positively impacted.
The pandemic period was a difficult one for many and in a lot of cases has caused a large number of people to turn to such self-help manuals for guidance. While not all of them are to be decried, as some contain just what people require in that given moment, which is the essence of writing to provide a line or two that resonates in that given moment. Many of them have re-emphasized the untrue belief that we are all individuals in the face of such a difficult situation.
Which has led to individualistic behavior that has negatively impacted our ability to combat the disease. During this period Ryan Holiday shared a letter he received from an individual who refused to wear a mask when entering his store and was turned away at the door as a result. Her claims that requiring her to follow a basic requirement that could potentially save the lives of others, left her feeling alienated and isolated highlights this destructive emphasis on the individual. If we cannot engage in an activity that requires so little of us as wearing a mask to protect other members of our community, then we should be forced to analyze where we have gone wrong.
Placing ourselves before others and the end goal ahead of the journey cannot be the way forward, not only for ourselves but also for our society as a whole. The Stoic life is one of duty to others and to the version of ourselves that we believe is most fitting and capable of having such an impact on others. We become better not because that is our end goal, but rather because the life we live has a bearing on the wellbeing of the interconnected whole that we are all most definitely a part of.
Self-help gurus place the end goal as the most important aspect of our existence, which is unfair not only to ourselves but to those around us. We cannot lead our lives in isolation with a single-minded purpose, which we devote the entirety of our lives to without taking the time to uplift and be there for those around us.
Journey before destination. There are always several ways to achieve a goal. Failure is preferable to winning through unjust means. How you lived will be far more important to the Almighty than what you accomplished. — Brandon Sanderson
We can achieve our goals and become who we wish to be, through means which continue to have a positive bearing on all those around us. This requires enjoyment of the path we take to achieve our journey rather than placing an unfair emphasis on the end goal we seek, this is where the true enjoyment of life is derived.
I am of course not advocating that Stoicism is the only way forward for such a life of fulfillment and there are numerous such ways of life and ways of thinking that can provide guidance in difficult times such as these. What works for one individual may not be of use to another and there will always be varying degrees of impact of which such mantras and doctrines can have upon a person. This can depend upon the personality or circumstances of an individual and as long as it maintains a positive impact on the person and who they come in contact with then it should be embraced.
Rather what I would advocate is that it is of the utmost import to examine the media we consume when seeking a way forward. The character of the individuals who write these pieces, the reasoning behind their production of such a work of self-guidance, and whether more can be attained by returning to texts that provide such precepts without the undue influence of commercial gain. While always remembering the impact we can have on others, even when they are not in our company by the actions we take and also by the decisions we fail to make.
The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others. — Mahatma Gandhi
